Walking Ixus

Sunday was a rainy day and when it rains here, being outside or going anywhere where there’s a lot of people is a miserable experience.

So I stayed in, did laundry and pre-packed for my flight back to HKG on Tuesday. Eventually, all the laundry was washed and dried and packed away and it was time to eat. Still raining out, I did my customary nighttime walk on The Bund and Nanjing lu. The “massage massage” touts were out in force as well as the grifters. I witnessed an attempted pickpocket attempt just past the Peace Hotel, where Nanjing lu is still a street.

The scam goes like this:

Small guy follows the mark who is usually with his g/f (so there’s no trouble). He is shadowed by a larger guy maybe 4 paces behind at his 4 o’clock. Small guy times his gait with the mark and slips his hand into the mark’s pocket. Usually they seem to be after mobiles since you usually keep that in your jacket pocket as opposed to your wallet.

How do I know all this? I happened to witness most of this up to the point where small guy went for the mark’s jacket. Larger guy saw that I was witnessing this and strategically angled his umbrella so I couldn’t see the rest. It didn’t work out in the end. Why? There were lots of standing puddles on the sidewalk and small guy didn’t want to get wet. He rushed going for the mark’s pocket, which alerted him to small guy’s pickpocket attempt. Screaming and yelling ensued and both small and large guy took off.

Rule of story: keep your pockets zipped up.

Scene from a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (cuz they have free Wi-Fi).

Sometimes when you travel overseas, you see different incarnations of the Ugly American. I had an unfortunate sighting when I ducked into a Coffee Bean near Jiang’an Temple to check email (Jiang’an is one of the favorite places for expats to live and breed ).

I’m sitting at a table, drinking black coffee and trying to reply to email via iPhone. A couple walk over to a table, a local gal and a middle-aged American guy, replete in the American uniform of knockoff pea coat, sweatpants, t-shirt and “Shanghai” hat that was probably purchased at some stall at the Yu Gardens. He looks around furtively, trying to determine who, if anyone within speaking distance, speaks or understands english. After determining that there are none, he begins his “charm offensive” against the local gal.

He begins by talking about his “work” and that China should change its immigration rules just for him, so he doesn’t feel like he’s wasted his time explaining that BD (business development) is NOT “doing business” for arrival card/visa purposes (which I’d argue that it is, but that’s not the point here). Since he was “a lawyer for the Department of Justice” and unlike PRC workers, US workers stay longer at their jobs, he is supposed to be given the benefit of the doubt and the Chinese authorities had no right to investigate him further. All in a condesending tone that would make John Kerry or Joe Biden proud.

Then, after the local gal tries to change the subject and talk about other things, like running in Century Park, Ugly American replies that he lives in a new high class building with its own running track and he likes to run there because he doesn’t like to ride the train to Pudong (Century Park) and he doesn’t like to run with the pollution.

Duh, you’re in the PRC! Of cors you’re going to have lots of pollution!

Based on the way that Ugly American was speaking and sitting, he was thinking that this would impress local gal. Local Gal replies that she’s working on her MBA, is close to graduating and securing work. As Ugly American’s face deflates, she thanks him for coffee and they both leave.

Nice.